Why I Oughtta

There was a fire at the propane factory in Toronto.

I’m way too tired to write anything insightful or funny.  Luckily David Sedaris is here.  Read this interview he did with Seattle’s The Stranger.

Frankly, I think what he says there is funnier than much of what he’s written.

An excerpt:

Would you ever like someone to call you Dave?

Daves are different from Davids. David Letterman doesn’t care if people call him Dave or David but he’s the only one that I know of like that. I don’t like to write either when I sign books, though. Recently, instead of signing my name, I’ve been drawing little things in people’s books. You know, just little mementos. Like, I’ve been drawing these old-timey signs and on them I write “Abortions: three dollars.” And I just think I’m hilarious. Sometimes I’ll draw a little knot in the sign to make it look even more quaint. I don’t know why that makes me so happy. This woman, she introduced herself by saying she was very liberal, but she just didn’t want the abortion sign in the front jacket of her new book. So, I asked her, ‘what if I changed it to thirteen dollars [for an abortion]?’ Again, I have no idea why that makes me so happy. I used to draw Abe Lincoln with a bubble coming out of his mouth that says “friendship is a cancer” or an owl saying “I like black people.” This is what happens when you’ve been signing books for nine hours.

Does Pitchfork’s review of the Black Kids album — the one with the pugs — kind of mean that the Web site has jumped the shark?

No one seems to be amused and it just seems to be an opportunity for all the negative things people have to say about the site to come to the surface.  I can’t say I’d be terribly sad to see it happen.

This is a pretty interesting Web site done by an artist couple. They paint what they want and sell it for that price.

Here’s my newest article for the Post’s Weekend section — a review of Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin’s latest album “Pershing.”

Note: this is a REview not a PREview.  As in, it has some actual opinion and — eep — criticism.

…features pomeranians.

Eugene Mirman is coming to town! Woo hoo!

Like Maria Bamford, he’s coming to the Arlington Cinema and Drafthouse. I’m sending out a cattle call for anyone who’s interested to contact me post haste.  He has two shows the weekend of May 31.

Here’s him riffing on Canada. Meanwhile, “riffing on Canada” should be a euphemism for some sort of sex act.

If you know someone who’d want to live in, well, my house (starting June 1) let me know.

File under: Lessons learned the hard way:

Even a casual reference to one’s “prison tats” is enough to scare off a prospective date.