Why I Oughtta

Mitt Romney is obviously the worst person ever, can we agree on that? But I got a hot tip about how smokin’ hot the sons Romney are and — boy oh boy — was it ever reliable.

My tipster likes Tagg, while I prefer the Clark Kentish ruggedness of Matt. Although Ben does have a certain mountain man appeal.

Now that I’ve linked to the Mitt Romney Web site, I feel like I need to off-set it by providing some less horrible ones. Here’s the HRC Web site. Oh, and here’s Michael Moore’s Web site.

1. I don’t really care what Montag’s (above) music sounds like. He just needs to stay pretty and Canadian.
2. You can listen to the new Smashing Pumpkins song here. Meh.
3. Download Final Fantasy’s version of Stars’ “Your Ex-Lover is Dead.”
4. Esquire sends napkins to writers, has them write stories.
5. Miami University researches try to scientifically prove if someone “looks like a Bob.”
6. Why Bush hasn’t been impeached: he’s been too big of a disaster.

I was curious, although not really interested, about the predisposition of a certain guy at the gym.

I don’t go to one of those gay gyms where everyone gets dressed up to check each other on the ellipticals and “spot” one another.  Then write missed connections to each other, lamenting the fact that they didn’t get someone’s name as they walked out of the den-of-sin sauna.  I go to a gym that is made up of a) tired-looking bureaucrats, b) men playing raquetball, c) straight people my age who have jobs, d) old men who wander around the locker room naked for hours.
But there are a few proud gays there — enough to keep things interesting.

There was one guy who was a bit older (40?) who had pinged my gaydar before and I was awaiting confirmation.  The other night, I got it.

As I ran on the treadmill with my headphones on, I could still hear a little bit of his stairmaster conversation with the woman next to him.

“I started watching Everwood,” he said.

“LOVE IT!” she said.

“I’m starting with season one.”

Case closed.

1. German Sexy Time
2. The Actor
3. The Actor (with an accent on the second syllable)
4. Skinny Arms
5. Pizza Stone
6. The Ukranian
7. Not Latin
8. Boatsy
9. Triv
10. Dysfunctional Boy
11. Pocket Matt
12. Gay Mormon
13. The Jew
14. Seattle’s Best
15. The Bassoonist
16. The Clarinet Player
17. Ukelele Girl
18. The Patriot
19. Mini Horse
20. Duck Boy
21. The Cutest Boy in School
22. The Cutest Boy in Hebrew School
23. The Historian
24. Adorable Skinny Librarian
25. Pretty Redhead
26. KSW
27. Boy/Girl Chris
28. Spanikopita

Dear guy at Chinatown Express,

You looked very sharp in your tailored suit.  And even though I associate neck tattoos (and face tattoos) with insanity/serial killing, the fact that you paired them with the aforementioned corporate-looking suit was very nice.

Hope you enjoyed the stir fry.  Asian babies sometime?

Love,

DAN

Hollywood heart-throb Frankenstein. Kind of gross, actually.

I’m walking down the street and a small man (maybe 5′3), doubtfully gay but kind of cute, asks me where the library is.

What I said: “Down the road four or five blocks and then take a right.”
What I wanted to say: “I know where it is. Can I carry you?”

Brad Pitt is an attractive man. But he doesn’t really come close to my shortlist of hot men in Hollywood. I don’t know why everyone goes ape shit all the time about him.

::shrug::