Why I Oughtta

This is a public service announcement.

New rule: no more referring to people as rock stars. There’s no doubt if you’re reading my blog, then you probably aren’t famous and awesome enough to actually get away with it.

Calling someone a rock star because they were able to loan you a muffin tin just underscores the mundane nature of the accomplishment. Unless they gave it to you and did a line of coke off a hooker’s back.  That might count.

This has been a public service announcement.

This is a public service announcement.

Nobody likes the guy dressed in the adult baby costume. It’s seriously disgusting.

This has been a public service announcement.

This is a repeat Public Service Announcement.

I really feel the need to drive this one home.

Ironic moustaches are over and they really weren’t even that great to begin with.

Grow a beard. Adrian Pasdar did it. I tried, but genetics weren’t on my side. It’s generally a better idea all-around.

This has been a repeat Public Service Announcement.

Thank you for your time.

This is a public service announcement.

Moustaches are unacceptable.

They are even — nay — especially unacceptable when worn ironically. Adding aviator shades or a stupid hat will only make matters worse.

Don’t be a hipster.

This has been a public service announcement.

This is a public service announcement.

If you have to blow your nose, please do not snort it up even further into your head and make a disgusting honking noise.  It totally makes me want throw up.  I will spot you a tissue.  If I do not have a tissue, I may just take off my shirt and have you blow in there.

I’d rather that than hear you snort.

This has been a public service announcement.

Isn’t it time for you to change the filter in your Brita?  I mean, it’s been forever.  At this point it can’t really be doing anything, can it?

This has been a public service announcement.