Why I Oughtta

How come you never call me?

To Hil and Bar

Filed under: Fake letters, Fuck that, Uncategorized — Dan at 7:53 pm on Monday, March 10, 2008

Dear Democratic primary,

You make me tired.

Please end as soon as possible, because I really don’t care who wins.  Because I have this (very odd and potentially false) sense of confidence that no matter who the nominee is, he/she will beat John McCain.

I’d like Barack to win just because I think he’d blow it out of the water, but at end of the day it does not matter.

Just stop.

Love,

DAN

Room Clearers: Disc Five — Mixed bag

Filed under: Fuck that — Dan at 9:34 am on Friday, March 7, 2008

Odds and ends that didn’t fit anywhere else.

On a side note, this whole project was inspired by this first track.  I played TATU at a local watering hole a few months back, just because I wanted to fill the bar with awfulness.  Less than a minute into the song, an employee of the bar unplugged the jukebox to stop it from playing.

  1. TATU – All the Things She Said[youtube]muJaDZA-_Bk[/youtube]
  2. Paula Cole – Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?
  3. Prodigy – Firestarter
  4. Michael Jackson – Black or White
  5. Chris De Burgh – Lady in Red
  6. Seal – Kiss From a Rose
  7. Staind – Outside (acoustic version)
  8. Soul Asylum – Runaway Train (a great song that has not aged well)
  9. Toad the Wet Sprocket – Walk on the Water
  10. _________________ (fill in the blank — you got any ideas?)

Room Clearers: Disc Four — Power Pop

Filed under: Fuck that — Dan at 9:13 am on Thursday, March 6, 2008

More than any other category, I think Power Pop defines “Room Clearer” for me. Whereas many of the previous songs were bad songs that I found myself liking, these are songs that I start out liking and then feel bad about it later.

  1. Nine Days – (Absolutely) Story of a Girl
  2. Deep Blue Something – Breakfast at Tiffany’s
  3. Del Amitri – Roll to Me
  4. Tom Cochrane – Life is a Highway[youtube]nCPbL4yA7ik[/youtube]
  5. Luscious Jackson – Ladyfingers (truly — a song I love that it is nearly impossible to enjoy)
  6. Our Lady Peace – (entire catalog)
  7. Dishwalla – Counting Blue Cars
  8. The Offspring – Come Out and Play
  9. Ugly Kid Joe – Everything About You
  10. Third Eye Blind – Jumper

Room Clearers: Disc Three — Ladies Night

Filed under: Fuck that — Dan at 8:50 am on Wednesday, March 5, 2008
  1. Sophie B. Hawkins – Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover
  2. Joan Osbourne – One of Us
  3. Meredith Brooks – Bitch
  4. Vitamin C – Graduation
  5. Jewel – Hands
  6. The Bangles – Eternal Flame
  7. 4 Non Blondes – What’s Up?
  8. Donna Lewis – I Love You Always Forever
  9. Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians – What I Am
  10. Shakespeare’s Sister – Stay (the video is a must-see — it’s way more fucked up than you remember. Stick with it until the end) [youtube]5pC3VJA_CB8[/youtube]

Room Clearers: Disc Two — Ballads

Filed under: Fuck that — Dan at 8:58 am on Tuesday, March 4, 2008

At least one of these songs really spoke to you back in the day. Don’t even front.

  1. The Cranberries – Ode to My Family
  2. Goo Goo Dolls – Iris
  3. The Verve Pipe – The Freshmen
  4. Bush – Glycerine
  5. Roxette – It Must Have Been Love
  6. All 4 One – I Swear
  7. Mark Cohn – Walking in Memphis
  8. The Heights – How Do You Talk to an Angel[youtube]P5HIarf0CFM[/youtube]
  9. Patrick Swayze – She’s Like the Wind (<-- just want to put it out there that I concocted this list days ago)
  10. Bryan Adams – Everything I Do (I Do It For You)

Room Clearers: Disc One — Party Time

Filed under: Fuck that, Uncategorized — Dan at 9:43 am on Monday, March 3, 2008

For our first installment, we’re going to start off with a bang. Below, you’ll find ten tracks that are all awful in their own unique ways. Some are too cheesy to embrace (#1), some have just not aged well (#3), while others were pretty spectacularly wretched when they first debuted (#7).

I strongly recommend watching the YouTube clip for #10.

(PS — a lot of you may find yourself saying, slightly defensively, “Hey! I love that song!” To which I say, “Yes. Of course. We all do. But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s mostly awful.” I think the best Room Clearers are effective because there’s 10-20% of you that actually likes it.)

  1. Lou Bega – Mambo Number Five
  2. OMC – How Bizarre
  3. Bel Biv Devoe – Poison
  4. Cornershop – Brimful of Asha
  5. Chumawumba – Tubthumping
  6. Barenaked Ladies – One Week
  7. Blessid Union of Souls – Hey Leonardo (She Likes Me For Me)
  8. Shaggy – Boombastic
  9. C and C Music Factory – Gonna Make You Sweat
  10. Escape Club – Wild Wild West[youtube]23nqInkEDTc[/youtube]

Straight Guy Handshakes

Filed under: Fuck that, Jake — Dan at 6:50 pm on Sunday, October 21, 2007

I’ve probably mentioned this before, but I am very much against the complicated straight guy handshakes.  I thought of this while watching John Stewart and Jake Gyllenhaal greet each other during Jake’s recent appearance on The Daily Show.

I just can’t keep up when meeting young straight fellows and they greet me with a complicated series of shakes, finger-grabby thingeys, fist-knocks, etc.  It’s too much — I just can’t keep up.

As a red-blooded gay male, I know what I like and what I don’t. I like my t-shirts fitted, my parfaits with blueberries and raspberries and my hand-shakes direct, straightforward and uncomplicated. Please cut me some slack.

I vote no

Filed under: Fuck that, Things that happened — Dan at 9:01 am on Tuesday, September 11, 2007

I’m really against whistling on deserted streets.

Last night I was walking around downtown on one of the side streets that connects 15th and 14th and there was a guy in the distance whistling a meandering, lonely tune. In instances like this, the part of my brain that escalates bad situations to crises went into overdrive. I’m not going to get murdered for my wallet, like a normal person.  It’s going to be some sort of circus freak with a bundle of candy canes in one hand and a paper bag with a head in it in the other.

But that didn’t happen. Luckily.

Summer vacation.

Filed under: Disappointment, Fuck that — Dan at 2:57 pm on Saturday, August 11, 2007

Summer vacation has blown thus far, as it has entailed:

  1. going to Chicago to bury the last of my grandparents
  2. being homebound for the past 3 days with an extraordinarily painful case of pharyngitis, and
  3. missing out on plans to go to NYC, Connecticut and to go see Arrah and the Ferns.

Send boys, chocolate, mix tapes, or some combination thereof.

Home schooling.

Filed under: Fuck that — Dan at 9:07 am on Monday, May 7, 2007

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Don’t do it.

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