Why I Oughtta

Should I recycle a Maker’s Mark bottle?  I mean, it’s more wax than glass at this point.

God.

1. I just got a coupon at Giant for Propel athletic beverages.  I am going to give it to my mom.  This is a role reversal, to be sure.
2. At Giant, I saw a product called Warm Delights.  I find this brand title very creepy, despite the fact that the product yields delicious brownies. If I were a serial killer, I would call the people that I serial killed “warm delights.”  (don’t act so shocked)
3. Broccoli on a pizza, people — it’s where it’s at.

Hot chocolate without whiskey in it is just stupid.

Dear Thin Mints,

You win.

Love,

DAN

(see also: text messaging)

My appetite for pumpkin pie has been satisfied.

On Friday I went out with the gays to Shirlington’s delicious, if unhip, Carlyle. We sat, in our stylish shirts, between the elderly and the Republican as we ate our delicious fish entrees.
For dessert, we had pumpkin cheesecake. Holy Moses, that was some good food.

Imagine your happiest moment — the birth of a child, the moment you realized you were in love, the acceptance of a dream job — and then imagine that moment is pumpkin flavored. That’s what it was like.

Buttery graham cracker crust, carmel sauce, warmed candied pecans and a frothy, rich cheesecake.

I ate it and glazed over for the rest of the evening.

There’s a real problem.

That problem is that I do not have pumpkin pie.

After all, it is indeed the autumn.  I am wearing argyle sweaters.  The weather is brisk.  Trees are continuing to shed their leaves.

And, yet, I do not have pumpkin pie.

Where is my pumpkin pie?

Pumpkin pie.

You should have an egg and cheese sandwich on a bagel!

I had one the other day and I was all “Holy crap! Why don’t I have these every day?” And then I thought of my fat kid past and remembered.

But still, you should totally have one. Normally, I have an aversion to processed American cheese, but it is entirely necessary on the sandwich. Also, you can add sausage or bacon, but I tend to just stick with the egg and cheese. Only if I’m feeling particularly gluttonous will I add the sausage patty — another non-kosher treat I allow myself a couple times a year.

You totally want one now, don’t you? Mmmmmmmmmmm……….

That was the e-mail blast.  But I resisted so that I can justify getting Chinese noodles for lunch.

Yeah.  Eff you, delicious pastries!

Specifically the lemonade flavor.

Thanks for all you do.